SPEAK YOUR BRAINS: Comrade Yorke

We knew that something was in the air, what with global capitalism collapsing last week, bankers calling for government intervention and the nationalisation of investment banks the world over. Never too far behind the prevailing societal trends*, some of the foremost musicians on earth have pulled together to form their own Trade Union, which they have named The Featured Artists' Coalition. Not to be confused with the The Coalition of Black Trade Unionists, this Coalition, with similarly noble aims, will create a forum whereby musicians can stand up for their rights. The Coalition will even have a six point "Manifesto", and be headed by a "Chairman". The Coalition felt the need for its existence magnify in recent years due to the onslaught of first Napster and then any number of downloading, streaming, and essentially, nicking engines. They cite even MySpace as a genuine threat to their well-being. Their primary aim will be to give young bands a governing voice "that will support them and help protect their work", according to Damon "Scargill" Gough of Badly Drawn Boy, who has just returned from the Yorkshire Coal Fields after a long hard fight with Thatcher's minions in blue. The Coalition will be headed by Karl, I mean Thom Yorke, Trotsky Williams, everyone's favourite DJ Stakhanov Oakenfold, local workers' council action group "The Verve", and Craig "Solidarity" David.

The first line of the Coalition Manifesto reads as follows:
"A spectre is haunting Europe... The spectre of the Coalition. All the powers of the Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Napster, Rapidshare, BitTorrent, TorrentSpy, MegaUpload, MySpace, Facebook, Gay Byrne, Beyond the Big Wave, Dustin the Turkey, and worst of all, Batt O'Keefe and Martin Cullen"

Expect to hear much more from this force for good in the world as capitalism crumbles all around us and the Coalition brings into a fairer, better era for humanity.

*remember Live Aid? And then Live Earth? Well, after caring about poor people, and caring about the environment, it seems the new "in" thing is to act like a Trotskyite