What the F**k is going on in: The rest of the Caucasus

Here comes the ironic twist!!! There HAD to be an ironic twist. You can't behave the way Vlad has (not that we are condemning it...) and not face a backlash.
After crushing the cheeky murmurings of neighbouring Georgia, Russia may now have to give in to claims of "territorial integrity" from enclaves of its own. Oh the glorious beautiful irony of it all. If only we could go back six months and ask the EU ministers at the Kosovo roundtable if they had any idea what sort of beast they were unleashing....

Tatarstan(in red) is an oil-rich and politically stable province in the Caucasus. Having seen Russia giving it the whole "if Kosovo can have independence then so should Abkazia and South Ossetia", the All-Tatar Civic Centre is now in the corner of the room, giving it all "em, guys, over here...". According to some Tatar guy "Russia has lost the credibility not to recognise us". Maybe he's right. But, my Tatar friend, do you remember what happened in Chechnya??? Big Vlad is no bumbling Georgian cretin-President. This will NOT be like taking candy from a baby. "The candy will not be wrested easily from my hands, quite unlike what one would expect in the case of a baby", Putin was quote as saying yesterday.
According to Wikipedia:
The unofficial Tatarstan motto is: Buldırabız! (We can!). Em, maybe this time lads, ye can't...

Neighbouring Bashkortostan (somewhere near the red dot), is a major hub of the Russian petrochemical industry. They complain that Moscow takes over 80% of the region's riches per year. Well, tough shit little man!! This week they accused Moscow of "double standards" in the Georgia debacle and called on the officials of their region to ask what it is they can do for their people. My advice would be this: keep asking those questions, and expect a nuke in the ass.

Finally for this edition, we have Cherkessia. The people of this region are ethnically related to the Abkhazians, and have been rejoicing in the recent events. But, of course, they now wonder why they can't follow their cousins' footsteps.

So there are real questions to be asked here. Are we on the brink of a return to the Yeltsin-era vision of sovereignty for whoever fancies running their own show ? (this must surely have been how Yeltsin himself got into power, in some sort of twisted Charlie and the Chocolate Factory style nightmare). Alternatively, Putin's only way to avoid one breakaway may be to crush every single one in typical fashion. If one Russian enclave slips away, there will be serious door- knocking at the Kremlin. Watch this space....

What the f**k is going on in: Alaska, USA

As controversy after controversy surrounding John McCain's appointment of Sarah Palin as his running mate appear from the woodworks, this video has appeared on Youtube of Palin addressing members of the Alaska Independence Party before their convention this year. She seems to be a keen admirer of the party, which wants Alaska to break away from the US due to their belief that the referendum which made Alaska a state of the US in 1958 was rigged. Given that the McCain campaign's slogan is "Nation first" and the AIP's is "Alaska first", this is bound to compound the embarrassment that the appointment of this hardline conservative has caused the McCain campaign. Hopefully next it will be revealed that the father of Palin's children is a black, Muslim, gay, environmentally-friendly, Communist, Anarchist suicide bomber.

AbkhasiaWatch continues...

T-bone's in the shit, really

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20080807/tpl-uk-georgia-ossetia-43a8d4f.html

My favourite part of this one is a Russian official saying that Georgian authorities have 'zero credit of trust'.

Pot. Kettle. Etc.

What the f**k is going on in: South Ossetia

When will Georgia ever learn?? OK, so Stalin divided Ossetia in 1922, giving the North to Russia and the South to Georgia. But that doesn't mean it's yours you idiots!! The South Ossetians have long pronounced a desire to join their northern brethren, and Russia is more than happy to have them. So surely Georgia would cede ground in such a scenario and let the natural order of things resume. If only they had the sense....
Temur "T-bone" Iakobashvili, the man with the world's worst job - Georgian Minister for re-integration of its rebel territories *- last week declared "Russia is not an honest broker, It's part of the problem, not the solution". Wrong T-bone... Russia is the problem, the solution, and the kitchen sink. Russia is everything!!! T-bone then claimed Russia was only supporting the South Ossetians to make up for the international community's support for Kosovan independence from Serbia earlier this year. Damn right they are!!! Haven't you been paying attention? To paraphrase a Serbian freedom fighter, Russia is "not violent, but I am vengeful". That, and the fact that Georgia is a slivering weasel in the way of the Russian juggernaut's path to world domination. "Get out of our way you slivering weasels!!!", Dmitri Medvedev was heard roaring towards Georgia last week.
So the way things stand Georgia has launched a few mortars and sniper rifles, and Russia seems ready to aid South Ossetian fighters with arms, cash and electricity. I know who my money is on, and they don't have a minister called T-bone. Much as in the Abkhazia debacle, the Georgians may well be left to feel the force, the force of Balla.

*Good old Temur was quoted last week as saying "I'd rather eat Mongolian yak testicles than do this stupid job"

What the f**k is going on in: The VIVA World Cup

BTBW had the pleasure of taking one of its more random trips last week. Sneaking our way up the Swedish coast, doing unparalleled work for Irish-Swedish ties along the way, we made our way to Gallivare in Lapland for a few days of the VIVA World Cup 2008. This is a tournament organised by the NF Board,with the aim of allowing peoples not eligible to be represented in FIFA tournaments an opportunity to see their team compete. Any people with a unique cultural identity is eligible to compete. The NF board now comprises roughly 30 member 'states', ranging from regions with violent political struggles in place (Tibet, Kurdistan), to the separatist Padania of Northern Italy, to displaced peoples such as the speakers of the Arameic language, to a bunch of lads having a laugh like Provence and Sealand. The Lapland people, known as the Sami, were this year's hosts, with only 5 teams making the trip due to financial difficulties. Padania (with players from Chievo, Treviso and Vicenza) won it out, defeating The Arameic team in the final 2-0. The football is only secondary to the significance this tournament, whose organisers hope to keep completely apolitical, has to the peoples of some of these regions. We attended Kurdistan-Aramea, along with less than 1,000 people, while 10 million people watched the game on TV or internet stream in Kurdistan. Mind-boggling figures indeed. It was a true pleasure to see sport used as a motor for the expression of one's identity, and as a tool for unifying people from all around the world in a healthy and friendly atmosphere. The craic amongst locals, visitors, officials and players was second to none in the Grand Lapland Hotel (special mention to the outrageous barmaids). It was a million miles from the pragmatic, diving, cynical world of Ronaldo's slavery hell. Expect to see the number of teams and the level of interest rise for the next VIVA world cup in 2010. But remember where you read about it first.

Check out a video-synopsis of the tournament here:



And here's some proof that the Kurds were taking it seriously

AbkhaziaWatch

Our favourite autonomous republic under Georgian auspices is looking increasingly getchy. Bow little Georgians, bow to the might of Russia. Mwaaa haa haa haa haa haa etc.

http://www.civilgeorgia.ge/eng/article.php?id=18673

What the F**k is going on in: Berlin's female techno scene

A recent article in the Guardian suggests that the ladies are well on their way to taking over Berlin's world-beating electronic music scene. Citing the fortunes of Anja Schneider (a very impressive support to James Holden in Spy in May), head of Mobilee records, and Ellen Allien, head of BPitch control, the article suggests that nowhere else on earth allows women the chance to gain such status. While the author fails to mention the role of Michael Mayer's Kompakt or Richie Hawtin's M_nus in all that goes on in the great hub of all things clicky and bleepy, he is certainly onto something. An open-minded (Berlin has an openly gay mayor), young, experimental and artistic population have meant that the leering, macho interactions between boozy men and women in certain other countries are non-existant in Berlin. This environment has greatly expanded the road to greatness for female artists. Magda, one of the most respected producers and live performers in the city must also be included in this list. Check her out dropping a suitably dark evil track here at Watergate. A track id would be great too!!



Check Anja Schneider out here, the first track in this video is just delicious

What the f**k is going on in: Baltimore, MD

This is not a post about politics or 'reality' but the title is nonetheless fitting, as a recent spate of discoveries of artists' whereabouts has led us to wonder: "what the f**k is going on in Baltimore?". The place just seems to be a madhouse. The music and the characters emanating from here that are appearing on the international stage are noticeable for their idiosyncratic, trippy, off-the-wall nature. Not coincidentally, a number of the mentioned artists are appearing in Dublin in the coming weeks. The experimental obscure nature of the city's artists means it is surely not for all tastes, but it at least keeps you guessing and never leaves you stuck for food for thought.

Our first taste of Baltimore came in the form of Dan Deacon. Deacon is well-known for his quirky psychedelic style and for his mesmerising live shows, which see him perform in the middle of the crowd on a table. Fun is the name of the game with Deacon. As a guy from Videohippos put it"I think people like Dan Deacon because he really lets them feel like infants."
A big influence on the artistic activity coming from Baltimore seems to be Wham City. It was voted 'best creative hive' by City Paper in 2006. It runs a festival called Whartscape, each year, at the same time as Artscape, as city-run festival. Artists associating themselves with Wham City include Dan Deacon, Missoula Oblongata, Santa Dads, Videohippos, along with an array of visual artists.

The discovery that Animal Collective were also from Baltimore, after over a year of presuming they were part of the 'Canadian bands with funny names' set, only furthered our interest. Although now based in New York, all members of the band hail from Baltimore. Among these is Panda Bear, whose album Person Pitch received PitchFork's 2007 record of the year. The 'psych-folk' combination espoused by this lot, along with the bizarre style of the Wham City crew, certainly lead us to believe there is something in the water in this east-coast haven.

The work of the city is as likely to irritate and confuse as to delight. I for one however must say I relish the idea that scenes with such "no holds barred" attitudes to artistic output still exist. It seems like a real throwback to a freer age in the States when "anything goes" was the order of the day. And long may it last.
Check out Dan Deacon's Crystal Cat for a taste of the acid-laced nature of this city.

What the F**k is going on in: Abkhazia

Gotta love those Russians. Without them flexing their geopolitical muscles this column would have very little to write about. The background to this one is pretty simple: Russia doesn't like Georgia. It is an ex-Soviet state, newly cosied up to the US, and currently attempting to gain NATO membership. What's more it is a vital energy transit route. So basically it pisses our Vlad off. Loads. Abkhazia is a tiny semi-tropical province in Northern Georgia, on the Black Sea, bordering Russia. It was once the playground of the Soviet elite. Shortly after Georgian independence separitist groups fought a war for self-determination which was unsuccessful. It claims independence and pretty much runs its own affairs independently of Tblisi to this day. The resolution of the 1994 conflict led to the Russians being allowed to have 2,000 peacekeeping troops in the region permanently. The Americans have stated in the past that they support Georgia's claim on the region and would like the Russians to piss off out of there. Not sure what game they have been watching lately, but this kind of tone does not sit well with Vlad. In the last few weeks Russia has sent an extra 1,000 troops into Abkhazia, in what has been described by Georgia as an act of "full scale military aggression". As of April 16 of this year Russia, in classic "up yours" style, has established formal diplomatic ties with both Abkhazia and South Ossetia (see map).
There are three possible things going on here:
1) We all know that Vlad likes Serbia, and was less than pleased about the whole Kosovo thing. Thankfully for Vlad's "Don't fuck with me" foreign policy, support for Abkhazian independence represents a perfect opportunity to show that we certainly shouldn't do anything of the sort, and reconciles well with his now-legendary schoolyard bully style.
2) Abkhazia is a place of strategic and historical importance to Russia, and Russia has decided it wants it, and is simply going to bully Georgia out of it. Which is pretty legend in this day and age. Come on, who does that any more? The last Annex I came across was in a first year accounting exam.
3) Vlad has set this up as an initiation for "Mini-Vlad", Dmitri Medvedev. As in: "Go on D, I dare ya to go over to yer man and just nick his province. If you don't I'll call you a pussy for the rest of the school year and nick your lunch money". This might be slighlty less likely but even the possibility that it may be going on makes me laugh like hell.

In summary, watch this one for confirmation that Russia doesn't follow anybody's rules, not even their own.

WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON IN: The Arctic

The main aim of this piece is to avoid using the phrase "cold war" or anything to that end. We'll see how that goes. The Arctic, as we all knew it growing up, was a big useless slab of ice where nothing went on apart from frolics involving elves, reindeer, a big fat guy and his wife. In the last while, however, the Arctic has taken on a new significance in geopolitical and diplomatic circles. In the most beautiful of ironies, global warming has led to a melting of some of the ice in the Arctic, rendering feasible the exploitation of the Arctic by, yes you've guessed it, the Oil industry. The potential rewards are what makes this modern day version of the gold rush so interesting: according to a UN geological survey, a quarter of the world's undiscovered oil may lie beneath the Arctic seabed.
In true cavalier fashion, the Russians have already recently placed a flag (pictured above) on the seabed beneath the Arctic in an area disputed between themselves and Canada. True to fashion, Canada has moaned and sulked a la the "persuasive" cop in the Simpsons ("come onnnn, leave town, pleeeease, be a friend"), but it looks like the Russians won't be backing down any time soon. The Canadian foreign minister at the time, Peter MacKay, claimed that "you can't go around the world these days, dropping a flag somewhere. This isn't the 14th or 15th Century". Sergey Lavrov, his Russian counterpart, responded with this gem: "We're not throwing flags around. We're just doing what other discoverers did"(Read: "no, little man, this is the 14th or 15th century). Case closed it seems. No admission from the Russians that they have moved beyond 500 year-old tactics for territory usurpation. Sure why would they.
A portion of the "Area", as the Arctic is known under international law (the poor definition of which is the main reason for these problems), can only be claimed if it can be proven that it is an extension of a country's continental shelf. There is an acceptance emerging that Russia feels it has more than enough data to prove that this area is indeed theirs to claim, and that moving them may prove more than difficult. Whether or not the UN scientists indeed deem the area to be Russian territory is unlikely to cause our Vlad into moving ("facts schmacts, facts can be used to prove anything. Hey Dmitri, pour me another snow shake".) Stephen Harper, Canadian PM, has spoken of the law of "use it or lose it" as being the unwritten rule in the Area. It is this thinking that has led to his support for a multimillion dollar military port and naval station a few hundred kilometres from the Russian flag.
The phenomenal treasures lying beneath the ice caps make the follow-up to this stand-off essential fodder for anyone with an interest in geopolitics. At a time when Russia is already at loggerheads with the US over any number of issues, with the US, Norway and Denmark also showing interest in the area, combined with growing concerns over energy supplies, mean that a second and more vicious Cold War may well be in the midst. Damn it. Got to the last line.

WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON IN.

We loved Mongrel. Plain and simple. There was no greater excitement than walking into a shop/cafe/bar (99% of the time on George's Street) and seeing a fresh batch of a new edition nestling in the corner. While the music reviews were simultaneously insightful and hilarious (with the James Blunt one taking pride of place - you know what I'm talking about) and the stories usually excellently written and informative, our favourite feature was "What the f**k is going on in..". Without fail we would spend the DMC (Day of Mongrel Collection) reading quotes from this feature out to each other. Gems included: Ahmedinejad's strengths: He's so hot right now. Kim Jung-Il's weakness: So ronery. The list is endless.
In light of the recent disappearance of Mongrel, we have decided, in tribute to our heroes, to continue to give you, the people, the info you require to stay up to date on what is going in the big bad world out there.